Day 13 June 30 2010 5:30 p.m.
Hey guys :)
I know this blog is early but I wont be available til next friday and I didn't want to have to skip a week!
so this weeks topic is giving up, or should i say not giving up. hahaha.
"Never let the fear of striking out,
keep you from playing the game."
this is one of my favorite quotes. when you fall down just get right back up like the saying,
"its not about waiting for the storm to pass,
its about learning to dance in the rain"
These two quotes are the truest quotes i have ever heard or known! when life gets you down dance through it work through it push through it don't give up and lose hope. don't let anything bring you down. now if you have a broken heart or lost someone close to you or you just need to cry by all means let it out... but don't let it take over your entire life cuz then you will fall apart and you'll end up feeling like your alone in a dark room... and youll probly feel that way for a while. you have to keep yourself going. encourage yourself to do fun things. like when im upset i listen to my favorite songs. I personally believe music is the ultimate happiness meaning no matter what mood your in it will cheer u up or just make your day better. Life without music would be like cake without icing or summer without the sun or the beach. what kind of world would that be? we cant live without music find a song you like or maybe a few burn them to ur i-pod or cd and listen to them whenever ur down but it has to be an uplifting favorite never grow old and most importantly FUN song, like california girls i love rolling my windows down and blairing it in the car, or breakaway by kelly clarkson because its inspiring. Never give up on yourself. and dont let a guy (or a girl) bring you down because God has so much in store for us. and because the one is out there you have to let them find you. You deserve so much. You are too beautiful to cry. You are too good for heartbreak. Push through it no matter how hard it is. I did it, so i know you can! just know your true love is looking for you. Wait for them.
In another sense, don't ever give up on tasks you do. If you do, you may not get to where you want to be in life. My Best Friend took a really hard test for a Nursing program and didn't pass but she didnt give up she got right back up and is taking it again. and again. until she makes it. because thats her future and her passion. What would have happened if Thomas Edison gave up on the lightbulb, or if Stevie Wonder gave up on music, What would our world be then? My dad wouldnt be a doctor if he gave up. cuz there were many times he tried and failed but he kept trying. I wouldnt be the strong person i am today if i gave up on myself when this jerk broke my heart. I wouldnt be even closer to my dream of working with animals if i gave up when i started falling in Chemistry.
For the past two days i have been trying to make these two cds. 35 songs TOTALL. Our computer sucks and is super slow and nothing works on it cuz its got almost no memory left. So you can imagine making these cds from an itunes playlist would be hell. oh and i forgot to mention that our cd burner is broken. so now i bet your thinking wow ur crazy and stupid to try to make cds when u already know it wont work. hahaha well yes i am crazy but hey i didnt give up it didnt work at all yesterday and i tried over and over and over again and i tried many different things i just couldnt figure it out i knew there had to be some loophole, some way to get it to work. so today i got back on when i woke up and when i stuck the cd in the computer guess what popped up i-tunes... now wait a minute i never tried i-tunes... and well guess what it worked :) yay but i couldnt get the second cd to work its been driving me crazy all day its taking me hours and i wanted to give up but i knew that since i got the first cd there had to be some way to get the second one. so i kept trying and hours later WAHLA i got it :) i was so happy so now i have my 2 summer mixes and ive tried them in cd players and they work so im happy. i feel accomplished because I didnt give up.
Im a strong believer in pushing through and keep trying and not giving up. I truly believe if we give up we wouldnt reach our true goals in life and we wouldnt ever end up truly happy. If you don't give up you can accomplish and achieve so many things in your life and maybe even end up with your soulmate. its persistence, determination, and along with those you have to have motivation, and my motivation is i want to be happy and reach my own stars. So take these words and keep trying. Hold on. Keep holding on through the pain and the rain, the happy and the sad, the good and the bad, don't let anything bring you down. Dance if you have to, sing if thats what it takes, Laugh often and smile as much as u can, even if you dont want to (trust me it does work even if u dont think so), and remember this
"dance like no one is watching,
sing like no one is listening,
love like youve never been hurt before,
like heaven begins tomorrow!"
ALWAYS PERSIST, NEVER GIVE UP :)
~<3 your sunshine girl :) Love ya.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
BLOG3: Birthday Week
Day 8 June 25 2010 4:30 p.m.
For most people a Birthday is just one day. For some it's not important at all, and for others its the most important day of the year. And then there are those who are right in the middle... they make their Bday special but it's not the biggest thing and it's not the smallest thing either. Well, I fall under the second category of people... My birthday is my favorite day of the year. First off, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the summer, and while I have never had a school birthday thing. You know, when people give someone balloons and sing at lunchtime... I have always had some kind of … PARTY! (Cue dance music)
Summer is my ultimate, most favorite time of year. Waking up at the crack of dawn to birds chirping, seeing rainbows after a warm summer rain, Dancing in the warm summer rain, being outside all the time, wearing adorable and gorgeous summer outfits, finding a new style of clothes before the summer season, and most importantly: NO SCHOOL.
Sunglasses. Sand in your toes. Cold lemonade and Popsicles. Summer vacations. The beach. Friends. Summer Flings....
Let's face it, NOTHING can beat the summer.
I am a Sunshine Girl and I love being outside in nice weather. It's the best.
This year for summer, I reorganized my entire bedroom, and got rid of so many clothes because it's just that time. My Style has changed completely.
I got a pirm, a new bathing suit, went on an awesome retreat, and Unfortunately, (yes there is a downer here...) I have to get braces. But on the upside, It feels like a whole new me! A fresh start!
And Who doesn't love a fresh start?
No matter what age you are fresh starts are always a wonderful feeling. They can change everything. Fresh Starts can give us a confidence boost and we all need some of that from time to time.
So as you could imagine, for my first big summer adventure, I went all out.
Clothes, Shoes, Hair... and you know... the braces too. I felt fantastic and ready for anything, Especially... that's right....
MY BIRTHDAY
June 21st
The longest day of sunshine (Literally) and the first true day of summer.
For one of my presents, I got to see Hairspray at Toby's dinner theatre with my mom, last Friday.
IT WAS AWESOME!!!
The show was so much fun and they let you take home the glass cups if you get any special type of beverage! Exciting right?
So Anyways, That is what I consider the start of my birthday.
My bday can last an entire week, or month because I have to make the most of it. I DO Want to be young forever... but I also fully believe that with each new age, or new year, comes a whole new adventure. A whole new 365 days.
Which means, yes, I do have to make the most of crossing the bridge from 19 years to 20 years especially since I'm now completely out of my teenage years. Woohoo! That is definitely a milestone to celebrate.
So Let me break it down for you.
As I mentioned, Toby's was Friday Night and if you read my previous blog post, you'd know that Saturday wasn't the happiest day.
For those who haven't read it, Saturday I didn't get to go to the dog fest, because our family dog passed away at 17 years old... but I still did get to have some fun that day.
My family went to my cousins graduation party, despite the tragedy, which was nice. There is nothing like being with family to help you through the hard times.
Then Sunday was Father's day. I Love spending time with my dad on Father's day. It has always meant so much to me to share my birthday on or around this day.
We just had a relaxing day at the house. My whole family was together and honestly, we all just took naps. Funny right? It was just comforting to know we were all together. We also ate crabs, a family favorite, and dad opened presents. After dinner, we went out to Tutti Frutti for frozen yogurt, which I have to say, is my absolute FAVORITE. I highly recommend that if you haven't been, you should definitely go and try it. After FroYo, my parents allowed me to be the one to open the family presents at midnight, since it was finally...
MONDAY. MY BIRTHDAY. JUNE 21ST.
So For my birthday, I had some friends over. It was small. Just a few of my best friends.
Tuesday, I went to the carnival with my friend, Zhaklina.
Wednesday, I had dinner and went shopping with another friend.
Thursday, I went to the Carnival, AGAIN haha
And Finally, this brings us to Today, Friday.
I haven't done much today... I'm Just cleaning my room and will probably go to the carnival again tonight. I love the carnival, if you haven't noticed.
However, just because it is now Friday does not mean that my birthday is over yet. For me at least. I have plans this weekend too and am so happy with all the adventures thus far.
I can't believe I am two decades old! Wow!
I am sure most people don't make their birthdays last a week... But if you come across someone who does, just know that it's really special to that person. With all the crazy negative stuff in this world, trying to tear us down, it's important to allow people to cling to the things that they hold special to their hearts, even if it seems silly to you.
It is best to Have fun with life and enjoy every moment of it because even when you're sad, good things can happen if you let them. So Why sit around and mope, when you can make yourself happy and choose to have MANY special moments?
As Someone who has struggled with depression, I know it's not always changeable or controllable, and it is easier said then done. But when we push ourselves or surround ourselves with people who love us, we CAN and eventually WILL be able to CHOOSE JOY.
I've realized that after my previous breakup, I've had some AWESOME moments with my friends and family, who pushed, loved, and supported me all the way through.
Bad things can definitely be used for Good if you let them.
I encourage you to Try to see the good in everything, even when it seems Impossible. You know the word "Impossible," actually tells us "I'm Possible." Proof of finding the good in the bad.
Take every moment for all it's worth because every second is worth a thousand smiles! Cling to what you hold special in your heart because every Special moment lasts a lifetime. Furthermore, when you're sad or down just listen to your favorite song or try ro remember a positive memory, whether it be funny, or just special to you in some way. Thinking of these moments, listening to music, watching our favorite movies, and spending time with those we love is guaranteed to cheer us up eventually.
If all else fails, grab some tissues, your favorite sad movie, and some ice cream. Curl up on the couch and know that IT'S OKAY TO CRY.
Also remember this, I'm always here for you! Please reach out if you need someone to talk to.
I'll always be on your side!
Thanks for reading
Sunshine Out
For most people a Birthday is just one day. For some it's not important at all, and for others its the most important day of the year. And then there are those who are right in the middle... they make their Bday special but it's not the biggest thing and it's not the smallest thing either. Well, I fall under the second category of people... My birthday is my favorite day of the year. First off, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the summer, and while I have never had a school birthday thing. You know, when people give someone balloons and sing at lunchtime... I have always had some kind of … PARTY! (Cue dance music)
Summer is my ultimate, most favorite time of year. Waking up at the crack of dawn to birds chirping, seeing rainbows after a warm summer rain, Dancing in the warm summer rain, being outside all the time, wearing adorable and gorgeous summer outfits, finding a new style of clothes before the summer season, and most importantly: NO SCHOOL.
Sunglasses. Sand in your toes. Cold lemonade and Popsicles. Summer vacations. The beach. Friends. Summer Flings....
Let's face it, NOTHING can beat the summer.
I am a Sunshine Girl and I love being outside in nice weather. It's the best.
This year for summer, I reorganized my entire bedroom, and got rid of so many clothes because it's just that time. My Style has changed completely.
I got a pirm, a new bathing suit, went on an awesome retreat, and Unfortunately, (yes there is a downer here...) I have to get braces. But on the upside, It feels like a whole new me! A fresh start!
And Who doesn't love a fresh start?
No matter what age you are fresh starts are always a wonderful feeling. They can change everything. Fresh Starts can give us a confidence boost and we all need some of that from time to time.
So as you could imagine, for my first big summer adventure, I went all out.
Clothes, Shoes, Hair... and you know... the braces too. I felt fantastic and ready for anything, Especially... that's right....
MY BIRTHDAY
June 21st
The longest day of sunshine (Literally) and the first true day of summer.
For one of my presents, I got to see Hairspray at Toby's dinner theatre with my mom, last Friday.
IT WAS AWESOME!!!
The show was so much fun and they let you take home the glass cups if you get any special type of beverage! Exciting right?
So Anyways, That is what I consider the start of my birthday.
My bday can last an entire week, or month because I have to make the most of it. I DO Want to be young forever... but I also fully believe that with each new age, or new year, comes a whole new adventure. A whole new 365 days.
Which means, yes, I do have to make the most of crossing the bridge from 19 years to 20 years especially since I'm now completely out of my teenage years. Woohoo! That is definitely a milestone to celebrate.
So Let me break it down for you.
As I mentioned, Toby's was Friday Night and if you read my previous blog post, you'd know that Saturday wasn't the happiest day.
For those who haven't read it, Saturday I didn't get to go to the dog fest, because our family dog passed away at 17 years old... but I still did get to have some fun that day.
My family went to my cousins graduation party, despite the tragedy, which was nice. There is nothing like being with family to help you through the hard times.
Then Sunday was Father's day. I Love spending time with my dad on Father's day. It has always meant so much to me to share my birthday on or around this day.
We just had a relaxing day at the house. My whole family was together and honestly, we all just took naps. Funny right? It was just comforting to know we were all together. We also ate crabs, a family favorite, and dad opened presents. After dinner, we went out to Tutti Frutti for frozen yogurt, which I have to say, is my absolute FAVORITE. I highly recommend that if you haven't been, you should definitely go and try it. After FroYo, my parents allowed me to be the one to open the family presents at midnight, since it was finally...
MONDAY. MY BIRTHDAY. JUNE 21ST.
So For my birthday, I had some friends over. It was small. Just a few of my best friends.
Tuesday, I went to the carnival with my friend, Zhaklina.
Wednesday, I had dinner and went shopping with another friend.
Thursday, I went to the Carnival, AGAIN haha
And Finally, this brings us to Today, Friday.
I haven't done much today... I'm Just cleaning my room and will probably go to the carnival again tonight. I love the carnival, if you haven't noticed.
However, just because it is now Friday does not mean that my birthday is over yet. For me at least. I have plans this weekend too and am so happy with all the adventures thus far.
I can't believe I am two decades old! Wow!
I am sure most people don't make their birthdays last a week... But if you come across someone who does, just know that it's really special to that person. With all the crazy negative stuff in this world, trying to tear us down, it's important to allow people to cling to the things that they hold special to their hearts, even if it seems silly to you.
It is best to Have fun with life and enjoy every moment of it because even when you're sad, good things can happen if you let them. So Why sit around and mope, when you can make yourself happy and choose to have MANY special moments?
As Someone who has struggled with depression, I know it's not always changeable or controllable, and it is easier said then done. But when we push ourselves or surround ourselves with people who love us, we CAN and eventually WILL be able to CHOOSE JOY.
I've realized that after my previous breakup, I've had some AWESOME moments with my friends and family, who pushed, loved, and supported me all the way through.
Bad things can definitely be used for Good if you let them.
I encourage you to Try to see the good in everything, even when it seems Impossible. You know the word "Impossible," actually tells us "I'm Possible." Proof of finding the good in the bad.
Take every moment for all it's worth because every second is worth a thousand smiles! Cling to what you hold special in your heart because every Special moment lasts a lifetime. Furthermore, when you're sad or down just listen to your favorite song or try ro remember a positive memory, whether it be funny, or just special to you in some way. Thinking of these moments, listening to music, watching our favorite movies, and spending time with those we love is guaranteed to cheer us up eventually.
If all else fails, grab some tissues, your favorite sad movie, and some ice cream. Curl up on the couch and know that IT'S OKAY TO CRY.
Also remember this, I'm always here for you! Please reach out if you need someone to talk to.
I'll always be on your side!
Thanks for reading
Sunshine Out
Saturday, June 19, 2010
BLOG2: Unexpected Day.
Day 2 June 19 2010 5:20 p.m.
What do you expect from a bright sunny day that you've been looking forward to for a long time!?
Today, I woke up so happy to start the day; I got in the shower, started dancing around, put on a sundress and thought it was just the most perfect morning! I have been waiting for this day to come around for quite some time now, all because of one thing... DOGFEST!!!!
It was supposed to be so much fun. I was even going to enter my puppy in a contest. So exciting right?
Wrong.
It's a good thing that I didn't enter her, because little did I know that today was actually not going to end up so perfect. In fact, it's been just the opposite. I never did get to go to the Dog Fest, because our family dog Rebecca just passed away. That's right, She's gone. She's part Husky, part Yellow Lab. She's 17 years old, in dog years and anyone who is a dog person knows that's pretty old for a dog. So of course we've all been dreading and expecting this day to come, but it just feels too soon? just a random summer day! Then again, are we ever really ready for this kind of thing to happen. Old or young, dog or human, it still hurts. She didn't even tell us something was wrong. or say goodbye to us. She did, however, have a GREAT last day! She was running around with my little pup, playing and active, this morning, then next thing we know we find her laying on the kitchen floor. How sad. My heart is aching. Two days before my birthday. She was such an Angel to this family. One of the best dogs we could ask for.
How can this hurt so much?
How can losing a dog make us feel so empty?
Well, Dogs are so loving. They care about us as their owners; In fact, I think they care so much that they don't want to hurt us by their pain, or death. They wait until no one is around or go somewhere to be in solitude. There is no warning, and no goodbye, they are just gone. And I am not saying this is all dogs. Rebecca always came to my dad when something was wrong or when she was injured, almost like she was saying "fix it, pack leader." But when it comes to their last moments on earth, they care so much about us. It brings joy to my heart, even in the sadness. So much joy that she really loved us and we REALLY Loved her. She lived a good life. A good life for a dog that is. Fully Happy... Fully healthy. Chased and hunted loads of backyard creatures. We will forever cherish her memories. We even have videos of her taped on our home movies. My favorite is the day we first rescued her from the pound at 4 years old. Not to mention, when she would get scared in thunderstorms and try to hide under the microwave, or in closets.
But hope is not lost. We have to cling to the memories when we lose our best friends. They will always be with us. And we can get new pets but nothing will ever replace them. We also need to stay focused on the good times ahead, because unfortunately life goes on.
I'm not saying you can't take time to grieve... That is totally okay, but don't miss out on your life for loss of theirs because that is not what they would want.
Tomorrow is fathers' day and Monday is my birthday. As sad as I am, I can't wait to be 20! Regardless, It IS going to be hard for a while to get used to not having her around... but I know that she is in a good place.
All this is a great reminder to take good care of your dogs, not that you don't, but please just let them know how much you love them, and give them a good life because we may live long, but we are their whole life, their whole world. I know there were times when Becca would get in our way and we would get so mad but we should have been more patient and kind with her. She didn't know what she was doing! And when they're gone, you look back on those times and wish you'd done things differently. I feel like I never gave Becca the attention she deserved and I always got frustrated with her being in my way. Now I wish I could go back in time and pet her more.
It's just like with a friend or a loved one. You never know what's going to happen at anytime, on any given day. I've lost a lot of people in my life, unexpectedly, and in different ways. These days can bring so many unexpected emotions, whether good or bad, happy or sad. So I just want to remind you all to just be careful and live each day with your pets to the fullest, in every way, whether it's just making sure you give them lots of love and pets, or taking them out to play often.
And Finally, Live your own lives to the fullest. Get closer to people you love, or take crazy risks and go on loads of adventures. Don't let a second pass you by, because anything can happen at any moment.
Lots of love
~Sunshine out.
What do you expect from a bright sunny day that you've been looking forward to for a long time!?
Today, I woke up so happy to start the day; I got in the shower, started dancing around, put on a sundress and thought it was just the most perfect morning! I have been waiting for this day to come around for quite some time now, all because of one thing... DOGFEST!!!!
It was supposed to be so much fun. I was even going to enter my puppy in a contest. So exciting right?
Wrong.
It's a good thing that I didn't enter her, because little did I know that today was actually not going to end up so perfect. In fact, it's been just the opposite. I never did get to go to the Dog Fest, because our family dog Rebecca just passed away. That's right, She's gone. She's part Husky, part Yellow Lab. She's 17 years old, in dog years and anyone who is a dog person knows that's pretty old for a dog. So of course we've all been dreading and expecting this day to come, but it just feels too soon? just a random summer day! Then again, are we ever really ready for this kind of thing to happen. Old or young, dog or human, it still hurts. She didn't even tell us something was wrong. or say goodbye to us. She did, however, have a GREAT last day! She was running around with my little pup, playing and active, this morning, then next thing we know we find her laying on the kitchen floor. How sad. My heart is aching. Two days before my birthday. She was such an Angel to this family. One of the best dogs we could ask for.
How can this hurt so much?
How can losing a dog make us feel so empty?
Well, Dogs are so loving. They care about us as their owners; In fact, I think they care so much that they don't want to hurt us by their pain, or death. They wait until no one is around or go somewhere to be in solitude. There is no warning, and no goodbye, they are just gone. And I am not saying this is all dogs. Rebecca always came to my dad when something was wrong or when she was injured, almost like she was saying "fix it, pack leader." But when it comes to their last moments on earth, they care so much about us. It brings joy to my heart, even in the sadness. So much joy that she really loved us and we REALLY Loved her. She lived a good life. A good life for a dog that is. Fully Happy... Fully healthy. Chased and hunted loads of backyard creatures. We will forever cherish her memories. We even have videos of her taped on our home movies. My favorite is the day we first rescued her from the pound at 4 years old. Not to mention, when she would get scared in thunderstorms and try to hide under the microwave, or in closets.
But hope is not lost. We have to cling to the memories when we lose our best friends. They will always be with us. And we can get new pets but nothing will ever replace them. We also need to stay focused on the good times ahead, because unfortunately life goes on.
I'm not saying you can't take time to grieve... That is totally okay, but don't miss out on your life for loss of theirs because that is not what they would want.
Tomorrow is fathers' day and Monday is my birthday. As sad as I am, I can't wait to be 20! Regardless, It IS going to be hard for a while to get used to not having her around... but I know that she is in a good place.
All this is a great reminder to take good care of your dogs, not that you don't, but please just let them know how much you love them, and give them a good life because we may live long, but we are their whole life, their whole world. I know there were times when Becca would get in our way and we would get so mad but we should have been more patient and kind with her. She didn't know what she was doing! And when they're gone, you look back on those times and wish you'd done things differently. I feel like I never gave Becca the attention she deserved and I always got frustrated with her being in my way. Now I wish I could go back in time and pet her more.
It's just like with a friend or a loved one. You never know what's going to happen at anytime, on any given day. I've lost a lot of people in my life, unexpectedly, and in different ways. These days can bring so many unexpected emotions, whether good or bad, happy or sad. So I just want to remind you all to just be careful and live each day with your pets to the fullest, in every way, whether it's just making sure you give them lots of love and pets, or taking them out to play often.
And Finally, Live your own lives to the fullest. Get closer to people you love, or take crazy risks and go on loads of adventures. Don't let a second pass you by, because anything can happen at any moment.
Lots of love
~Sunshine out.
Friday, June 18, 2010
BLOG1: This is ME
Hey Friends!
Welcome to my new summer blog :) I hope you enjoy it! If you would like to read my previous posts you may. But this is where my new blogging begins its my daily posts about my summer 2010 and a whole new me :) so enjoy!
Day 1 June 18 2010 2:30
I want to start by saying that God is miraculous. His love is enduring, and He is always there, even in the muck when we don't think he is with us. He is. He meets us where we are at and wants to help us out but only once we are ready. Sometimes we wonder "He can do anything so why didn't he stop me from doing this, (or) Why didn't he pull me out (or) Stop this from happening? If He loves me so much why didn't He do anything about it?" This may be hard for some people to understand but God is not a Bully. He doesn't always pull us out of sticky situations. He respects our free will and waits for us to call on Him and to ask for help. And sometimes we then don't like His response so we choose not to listen and complain that He isn't there. God always answers in one of three ways. "YES," "NO," or "Wait/not right now." The last I think is the hardest for humans to understand. Gods Timing does not make sense to us. We want things now, right now... but regardless of what we want or if we see God with us in the crap, I can promise you two things HE IS ALWAYS THERE, and HE ALWAYS HAS A PLAN.
Recently, I struggled with a pretty bad relationship. It lasted about 8 months and he really hurt me. He really wasn't a great guy. I should have listened to everything everyone kept telling me but I didn't want to. You know how it goes. I am sure we have all been there. We all know the saying "Love is Blind." This can be a good thing, when you are in a good relationship. And Scientifically speaking, it is true. There are certain chemicals released in our bodies when we feel the emotion of love. This can be so strong that it has an affect on our ability to reason, and therefore we lose all good judgement in a bad relationship. This, however, is not a bad thing when the relationship is good. It can be a factor in helping a person to stay committed to their significant other through the tough times, and helps a person choose to fight for the relationship rather then against it.
But as I said, when things are bad, we do not see the really toxic flaws of the other. The ones we shouldn't tolerate or support or defend. And let me tell you, boy was I blind.
Love made me blind for sure.
When I was told that I was blinded by love to his flaws I truly did not believe it. I thought "okay I know his flaws, I see them but I'm just looking past them"....
Eeerrrhh! BOY Was I Wrong!
I looked at his flaws but I didn't SEE them. You all know how this goes. You know how sometimes we hear, but don't listen? Like when I get introduced to someone new, I hear their name, but maybe I don't fully "LISTEN" to it, because I will forget it instantly, sometimes. I'm sure we have all done this at some point in our lives.
Well, in a similar way, I looked at his flaws, tried to accept them, made excuses for him, but did not actually "SEE" them in a way that I should have. Just as I heard everyone's advice but did not listen to them. Do I wish I did? Sometimes, yes. As much as I try not to have regrets, and know that this experience will have helped me in some way, I still beat myself up from time to time for not listening to the people who care about me, and maybe this WAS Gods' way of trying to get me out of the muck. But maybe I was the one who was too stubborn.
But 8 months is about 7 months too late. I gave him so much. I gave my heart away too fast and because of how hurt I was, I started pushing people away. Another stupid thing we choose to do when things get too hard for us to deal with. Or when we find ourselves in not-so-great relationships; they have a way of making us believe our friends are bad for us. In some messed up Universe. Because come on, really? The friends that have stuck by you through anything, and care deeply about your heart.... Those friends? They are bad for us? hmmm that doesn't seem right.
Pulling you away from your friends, in a completely isolating way, should be one of the first red flags to look for when dating someone new.
Yet, here I was, not able to trust anyone I was supposed to be close to, because of how hurt I was over this guy that everyone warned me about. I was so close to closing off and shutting down. I wanted so badly to allow the emptiness I felt inside, take me to the dark black holes we can get sucked into in this world, like drinking and partying and allowing myself to not be treated with respect by anyone, even guys.
Don't get me wrong, Parties can be fun and drinking isn't all bad, but for all the wrong reasons, and with the wrong crowd, it can be. Still, I tried my hardest to stay strong and the more time went on, the more the weeks just painfully slithered by, the harder it was to keep being strong. Sadly, at this point, I had already lost my faith in God. Praying meant nothing to me anymore. Yes. I said it. I went to this place. I let the muck sink my faith. But God is so persistent.
Remember how I said He doesn't force Himself on us? He waits for us to ask for Him?
Well, that's true, but He also has ways of gently leading us to find Him, which we can also be blind to seeing. He does this so subtly though, just so He keeps consistent in His kindness, and patience, and desire to let us have free-will. Allowing us to be in a place to ask for His help.
A few weeks ago, my oldest sister took me out to dinner, knowing about this dark place I was in.
She mentioned that she was to go on a "Beach retreat" to Evangelize to young women about chastity!
Though... I didn't really hear much after "beach," at which point, I cut her off and said "Beach? You're going to the beach? For how long?" She informed me that it would be for a whole week and invited me to come along. I'm not sure if this was her plan all along, but it was definitely Gods'. Haha
I am a Sunshine girl and I can't resist the beach, it's one of my happy places, and at this point I didn't really care about anything else I would have to do there, I was just happy I was able to go. And SO WAS GOD.
Well, here we are, almost one week after the beach trip. Yes, that's right, this happened last week. IT. WAS. AMAZING.
I met a girl on this trip named Marianna. God definitely placed her in my life at a time when I needed it the most. She is like a heaven-sent angel to me and I feel so blessed to know her. God spoke through her, to me, in so many ways. She wasn't the only one. He also spoke through my sisters roommate, Megan, who was also on the trip. Man, I can't even explain how she's been here for me. During praise and worship, she would speak to me and tell me the message she felt God was giving her to relay to me, and she prayed with me; and it was in these moments that I finally knew -
God Was There.
I felt Him in a way that I haven't in a long time. I believed.
He took all my suffering and pain, my sins, my guilt and shame; He took EVERYTHING when I let Him in. He finally made me feel whole again! He broke the chains off my heart and set me free in a way I could never even imagine or dream of.
I can honestly say now, that I am happier then I have been in forever, and I don't need a guy to make me feel this way. I feel happy and beautiful inside and out. You know the saying "Fake it 'til you make it?" Well, I think that's what I was doing before. But I don't have to anymore. I genuinely feel better. Like back to myself again! I have more energy and feel more positive. If I am being totally honest with you guys... All I want to do now is …
DANCE [cue music] lol
I love Me. I know it sounds cheesy but I love who God has made me to be, and where I am in my life right now: Happy, Single, and Free. Seriously, God is SOOO good and He has taught me so much through all of this. I can't even fathom how strong and confident I am now after everything I went through.
Don't get me wrong, I still desire to find the right guy and get married some day, and have lots of kids. [haha] But right now I am content with where I am in my journey, and I have a better idea of what to look for in a partner. Scratch that, I'm not lookin for anyone. God is looking FOR me. I gave my heart to God and HE will find my Prince, when the time is right and when I am ready for it.
I know that it will be greater than I can imagine because God's plan is better then anything we can come up with for ourselves. It can be hard to admit, but He knows us better then we know ourselves.
I so look forward to that day, but I can wait. I thank God everyday for everything I have.
For my wonderful family who stuck by me even when it hurt them; for Marianna, and all the amazing friends in my life right now. I know that sometimes friends don't last forever, but even still God works through the people in your life. It's through the people in mine that I know I'm TRULY Loved.
I will close this out soon, but I want to share a little more about what I want in my future Prince.
He will be just as Goofy and Silly as me at times.
He won't be embarrassed by me, especially when I act goofy in public.
He will be adorkable. and just plain adorable.
He will make me smile all the time and Laugh a lot.
He will respect and cherish me.
He will make me a better person just by being together and just by being himself.
He will fight for me and pursue me, especially when I am emotional or want to run away from the tough times. He will tell me that he is walking with me, even in the times I may want to run down the wrong road.
He will be living out his faith just as much as me and will guide me back when I lose my way. We will work hard at journeying to heaven together.
We will spend lots of time together, and will NOT get sick of being together, even in the moments we may need space, we will still have a desire for each other.
Most Importantly, he will be my Best Friend.
I also hope that he will be close with his wonderful family, and that our families will all get along.
That is who I am waiting for. I know when I find that guy, I will be so blessed because I now know that there is a love and respect far greater then what I have received in my previous relationship. (Which was dirt compared to Gods plan for me).
As I continue to think about these things and go about my journey, I encourage you to think about this as well:
"There is always more than meets the eye! Everyone has a story, and a background and a reason for who they are or how they've become a certain way.
Do not judge someone unless you really get to know them. And even after you get to know them, still do not pass judgement. Decide for yourself who is healthy for your life, but do not scorn those who may not be able to journey with you.
Welcome to my new summer blog :) I hope you enjoy it! If you would like to read my previous posts you may. But this is where my new blogging begins its my daily posts about my summer 2010 and a whole new me :) so enjoy!
Day 1 June 18 2010 2:30
I want to start by saying that God is miraculous. His love is enduring, and He is always there, even in the muck when we don't think he is with us. He is. He meets us where we are at and wants to help us out but only once we are ready. Sometimes we wonder "He can do anything so why didn't he stop me from doing this, (or) Why didn't he pull me out (or) Stop this from happening? If He loves me so much why didn't He do anything about it?" This may be hard for some people to understand but God is not a Bully. He doesn't always pull us out of sticky situations. He respects our free will and waits for us to call on Him and to ask for help. And sometimes we then don't like His response so we choose not to listen and complain that He isn't there. God always answers in one of three ways. "YES," "NO," or "Wait/not right now." The last I think is the hardest for humans to understand. Gods Timing does not make sense to us. We want things now, right now... but regardless of what we want or if we see God with us in the crap, I can promise you two things HE IS ALWAYS THERE, and HE ALWAYS HAS A PLAN.
Recently, I struggled with a pretty bad relationship. It lasted about 8 months and he really hurt me. He really wasn't a great guy. I should have listened to everything everyone kept telling me but I didn't want to. You know how it goes. I am sure we have all been there. We all know the saying "Love is Blind." This can be a good thing, when you are in a good relationship. And Scientifically speaking, it is true. There are certain chemicals released in our bodies when we feel the emotion of love. This can be so strong that it has an affect on our ability to reason, and therefore we lose all good judgement in a bad relationship. This, however, is not a bad thing when the relationship is good. It can be a factor in helping a person to stay committed to their significant other through the tough times, and helps a person choose to fight for the relationship rather then against it.
But as I said, when things are bad, we do not see the really toxic flaws of the other. The ones we shouldn't tolerate or support or defend. And let me tell you, boy was I blind.
Love made me blind for sure.
When I was told that I was blinded by love to his flaws I truly did not believe it. I thought "okay I know his flaws, I see them but I'm just looking past them"....
Eeerrrhh! BOY Was I Wrong!
I looked at his flaws but I didn't SEE them. You all know how this goes. You know how sometimes we hear, but don't listen? Like when I get introduced to someone new, I hear their name, but maybe I don't fully "LISTEN" to it, because I will forget it instantly, sometimes. I'm sure we have all done this at some point in our lives.
Well, in a similar way, I looked at his flaws, tried to accept them, made excuses for him, but did not actually "SEE" them in a way that I should have. Just as I heard everyone's advice but did not listen to them. Do I wish I did? Sometimes, yes. As much as I try not to have regrets, and know that this experience will have helped me in some way, I still beat myself up from time to time for not listening to the people who care about me, and maybe this WAS Gods' way of trying to get me out of the muck. But maybe I was the one who was too stubborn.
But 8 months is about 7 months too late. I gave him so much. I gave my heart away too fast and because of how hurt I was, I started pushing people away. Another stupid thing we choose to do when things get too hard for us to deal with. Or when we find ourselves in not-so-great relationships; they have a way of making us believe our friends are bad for us. In some messed up Universe. Because come on, really? The friends that have stuck by you through anything, and care deeply about your heart.... Those friends? They are bad for us? hmmm that doesn't seem right.
Pulling you away from your friends, in a completely isolating way, should be one of the first red flags to look for when dating someone new.
Yet, here I was, not able to trust anyone I was supposed to be close to, because of how hurt I was over this guy that everyone warned me about. I was so close to closing off and shutting down. I wanted so badly to allow the emptiness I felt inside, take me to the dark black holes we can get sucked into in this world, like drinking and partying and allowing myself to not be treated with respect by anyone, even guys.
Don't get me wrong, Parties can be fun and drinking isn't all bad, but for all the wrong reasons, and with the wrong crowd, it can be. Still, I tried my hardest to stay strong and the more time went on, the more the weeks just painfully slithered by, the harder it was to keep being strong. Sadly, at this point, I had already lost my faith in God. Praying meant nothing to me anymore. Yes. I said it. I went to this place. I let the muck sink my faith. But God is so persistent.
Remember how I said He doesn't force Himself on us? He waits for us to ask for Him?
Well, that's true, but He also has ways of gently leading us to find Him, which we can also be blind to seeing. He does this so subtly though, just so He keeps consistent in His kindness, and patience, and desire to let us have free-will. Allowing us to be in a place to ask for His help.
A few weeks ago, my oldest sister took me out to dinner, knowing about this dark place I was in.
She mentioned that she was to go on a "Beach retreat" to Evangelize to young women about chastity!
Though... I didn't really hear much after "beach," at which point, I cut her off and said "Beach? You're going to the beach? For how long?" She informed me that it would be for a whole week and invited me to come along. I'm not sure if this was her plan all along, but it was definitely Gods'. Haha
I am a Sunshine girl and I can't resist the beach, it's one of my happy places, and at this point I didn't really care about anything else I would have to do there, I was just happy I was able to go. And SO WAS GOD.
Well, here we are, almost one week after the beach trip. Yes, that's right, this happened last week. IT. WAS. AMAZING.
I met a girl on this trip named Marianna. God definitely placed her in my life at a time when I needed it the most. She is like a heaven-sent angel to me and I feel so blessed to know her. God spoke through her, to me, in so many ways. She wasn't the only one. He also spoke through my sisters roommate, Megan, who was also on the trip. Man, I can't even explain how she's been here for me. During praise and worship, she would speak to me and tell me the message she felt God was giving her to relay to me, and she prayed with me; and it was in these moments that I finally knew -
God Was There.
I felt Him in a way that I haven't in a long time. I believed.
He took all my suffering and pain, my sins, my guilt and shame; He took EVERYTHING when I let Him in. He finally made me feel whole again! He broke the chains off my heart and set me free in a way I could never even imagine or dream of.
I can honestly say now, that I am happier then I have been in forever, and I don't need a guy to make me feel this way. I feel happy and beautiful inside and out. You know the saying "Fake it 'til you make it?" Well, I think that's what I was doing before. But I don't have to anymore. I genuinely feel better. Like back to myself again! I have more energy and feel more positive. If I am being totally honest with you guys... All I want to do now is …
DANCE [cue music] lol
I love Me. I know it sounds cheesy but I love who God has made me to be, and where I am in my life right now: Happy, Single, and Free. Seriously, God is SOOO good and He has taught me so much through all of this. I can't even fathom how strong and confident I am now after everything I went through.
Don't get me wrong, I still desire to find the right guy and get married some day, and have lots of kids. [haha] But right now I am content with where I am in my journey, and I have a better idea of what to look for in a partner. Scratch that, I'm not lookin for anyone. God is looking FOR me. I gave my heart to God and HE will find my Prince, when the time is right and when I am ready for it.
I know that it will be greater than I can imagine because God's plan is better then anything we can come up with for ourselves. It can be hard to admit, but He knows us better then we know ourselves.
I so look forward to that day, but I can wait. I thank God everyday for everything I have.
For my wonderful family who stuck by me even when it hurt them; for Marianna, and all the amazing friends in my life right now. I know that sometimes friends don't last forever, but even still God works through the people in your life. It's through the people in mine that I know I'm TRULY Loved.
I will close this out soon, but I want to share a little more about what I want in my future Prince.
He will be just as Goofy and Silly as me at times.
He won't be embarrassed by me, especially when I act goofy in public.
He will be adorkable. and just plain adorable.
He will make me smile all the time and Laugh a lot.
He will respect and cherish me.
He will make me a better person just by being together and just by being himself.
He will fight for me and pursue me, especially when I am emotional or want to run away from the tough times. He will tell me that he is walking with me, even in the times I may want to run down the wrong road.
He will be living out his faith just as much as me and will guide me back when I lose my way. We will work hard at journeying to heaven together.
We will spend lots of time together, and will NOT get sick of being together, even in the moments we may need space, we will still have a desire for each other.
Most Importantly, he will be my Best Friend.
I also hope that he will be close with his wonderful family, and that our families will all get along.
That is who I am waiting for. I know when I find that guy, I will be so blessed because I now know that there is a love and respect far greater then what I have received in my previous relationship. (Which was dirt compared to Gods plan for me).
As I continue to think about these things and go about my journey, I encourage you to think about this as well:
"There is always more than meets the eye! Everyone has a story, and a background and a reason for who they are or how they've become a certain way.
Do not judge someone unless you really get to know them. And even after you get to know them, still do not pass judgement. Decide for yourself who is healthy for your life, but do not scorn those who may not be able to journey with you.
Who are we to judge ones' heart or someone by their sins. It is not our place, Only God can judge. Of course, it really isn't about where you've been or what you've done or who you were before. When you make a sincere effort to be different, to change, to grow, to improve, and throw away those past mistakes, all that truly matters to God, at that point, is who you've become and who you are at the present time. I have learned that no matter where I've been or the mistakes I've made I'm still extremely blessed and loved because of Who I am TODAY. I am wonderful and beautiful. I am happy and caring. I am compassionate and kind! I may also be loud and crazy at times but I love who I am now and I'm never goin back." ~ Brittany Sunshine G. (Yes, I put my own comment in quotes)
"This is real
This is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now,
Gonna let the light, shine on me.
Now I've found who I am
There's no way to hold it in.
No more hiding who I want to be.
This is me!" ~ Demi Lovato - Camp Rock
"This is real
This is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now,
Gonna let the light, shine on me.
Now I've found who I am
There's no way to hold it in.
No more hiding who I want to be.
This is me!" ~ Demi Lovato - Camp Rock
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