Poem: A Painful Heart

The tears dwell up inside me
I don't know what to do
I'm stuck behind this wall
with nowhere left to turn.

My words got lost inside
but no one can come and save me.
I'm trapped and all alone,
I can't let anyone in.
I just need Gods love and care,
for only He can make me stronger.
I need to lift myself off the ground,
who am I? just one emotional human being
lost in this world
among the harsh crowd.
Many will tear you down.

These emotions flood my being
sitting here in this corner,
hiding from all the world,
as feelings of selfishness weigh me down.
Sometimes I feel so worthless,
while those who love watch in pain.

They only want to help,
but something pulls me away.
Only God could understand,
this mask, I hide behind
as it shatters bit by bit
piece by piece, it falls to the ground.

My boyfriend cracks another piece
and brings me out of this shell,
as he loves me more and more
this wall starts to crumble and fall.
My sister wants to break through,
hurting as she watches me hide and cry.
Yet another piece of this mask breaks
as she tries to hold me tight.
She who has always been right next door,
She breaks the wall even more
but something pushes me away again
as mad, upset, or hurtful they get.

and finally I think they understand
but then once again I'm all alone.
as I hide behind the left over pieces of this wall
shutting away my soul.
This pained and breaking soul,
from the harsh cold world I hide.

Those let in are very few.
Here to hold me tight,
yet they still hurt and disappoint,
as I sit here and hide.
These tears start falling down again
in the cold outside.
The voice inside my head cries out,
"when will the madness subside."
Happiness and love I long for
but can that truly ONLY come from God?
At times I feel it from this guy, only
with every ounce of love he shows me.
Then I see it from my family
for they are closely holding 
yet somethings still not right inside.
What can it be?

so I cry here alone tonight
letting no one see or help,
for those who help hurt more sometimes
and Gods the one I need.
but many will not stick around
if I don't let them in.

Invisible I feel
alone and trapped right here,
they try to give me comfort
But who can I be open to?
Surrounded in all this confusion
who ever can shatter this wall?
who ever will crack the mask?

One day I'll stop hiding.
One day I'll be free.
The day He comes to save me,
then I'll show the world what I can be.

Here I sit, curled in a ball
These tears drown my being
as I hide away from the crowd,
Invisible,
away from those who tear me down,
Hiding here,
From cold world I'm free.