BLOG7: Be the Difference

Week 43 July 27 2011 8:38 p.m.

I have not had an easy time when it has come to being happy and fitting in. Truth be told.. i have never really fit in at all. it hurt me so bad. and throughout the years this scarred me. i never felt good about myself. While people watching me from the sidelines thought, "that girls innocent what we she have to feel bad about" or "oh shes a miss goody two shoes" or even family and friends "she's an angel, she has nothing to worry about, she beautiful and amazing" ... I was thinking "my life sucks, I've never had friends. What's wrong with me!" See no one ever knew... I mean I guess my parents knew how I felt... but they said all the right things... exactly what a parent is supposed to say! and for a while it worked. but the strength they gave me with their encouragement only lasted for so long and then they'd have to repeat themselves over and over. Those lectures never do good for anyone. Sometimes, I hate to say it, but i even felt left out by my own sisters, sometimes. This caused me so much insecurities about myself. As i grew older and bad things kept happening I tried to stay strong through it all and I did for the most part but I couldn't help feeling like there had to be something wrong with me and I would break down. "Why does this always happen to me" "How come I never have true friends" "what's wrong with me" "God why'd you make me like this"
Well as the years went on I had days where I would know that I am different and I am special and I am amazing and strong and no one will bring me down but when something would happen It would hurt more each time because of all the stuff I have been through.
well just recently my bf broke up with me in may. and one day in June I was hurting so bad and I felt so alone. I have always felt somewhat invisible.
this guy completely broke my heart. And I even felt like the people that loved me, like family and friends, weren't around or didn't understand how this guy was making me feel at times. and finally my sister comes in my room to talk to me and she said "Britt, you're just different and sometimes people can't handle that. At this i turned around and ignored her. She left and later asked why I wouldn't talk to her!

See that was so harsh, here I am sobbing and depressed Hating myself and she says Im different and people can't handle it...? how is that supposed to make me feel better.

Later on she explained in full what she meant and I still felt too closed off to try to understand what she was saying. However, as I started to feel better, I realized how right she was. I didn't want to hear it esp. at that moment. But let me put it this way

WHY FIT IN WHEN YOU ARE BORN TO STAND OUT ?

that is a quote from the movie what a girl wants. but Its one of my life quotes.

I AM different and I AM special. Im crazy, Im loud, Way too hyper for some people. I can be weird, or obnoxious. and Im mature in a lot of ways but immature playfully ... meaning I know how to be serious when it's the right time, but I will always be a kid at heart.
I am emotional, and a handful! but overall I am just a burst of sunshine who only wants to make others happy.

I'll admit my desire to fit in makes me a bit clingy sometimes but who doesn't have annoying flaws? we're human It's just how it is! BUT it's the fight that counts. I know who I am, I know who I'm meant to be.

I'm not meant to fit in and the fact that I have been through so much crap is what has brought me to where and to who I am. Its what makes me special. Now, My strength comes from God and who I am in HIS eyes, according to HIS will for me. and the encouragement I get from friends and family, isn't where my strength comes from, rather what helps build up my strength from God, even more.

I know I am meant to be different and to stand out. Im not supposed to be "popular" or "fit in" Im supposed to do something great but in a humble way... that's what connects ME personally to Christ!
(what connects you?)

If I didn't accept the difference in me, then how could I make a difference in the world! I am perfect just the way I am.
It's not about being popular and having a lot of friends.. It's not about the "quantity", It's the Quality that counts. I may not have a ton of friends. or everyone/most people in a school or building "like" me... but I may have one or two or just a few really good, close, TRUE friends Who I am so very blessed to even know in my life. I don't care about the Quantity of friends I have in my life, It's the QUALITY of those few select, SPECIAL, and AMAZING, friends that I DO have!!!

I embrace who I am. I will be different and rock it. I won't be anyone but me!


"You've gotta stand for something, or you're gonna fall for anything"
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I'm not!"
"Be the change that you want to see in the world"
"Why fit in, When you were born to stand out"

~Luv ya SUNSHINE GIRL :] <3