Week 76 Day 3 March 10 2012 8:38 a.m.
So what can I say about Friends. I have had a lot in my life. I went from not having any friends growing up... to having a lot of friends that always leave me, turn on me, or ditch me. Friendship is an important thing for a girl, whether she realizes it or not, whether she admits it or not. For some girls it is easier to have guy friends, and for others it is easier and more important for them to have girl friends.
I guess I will start off by explaining a situation that recently happened with me. You see, I have this friend. Well... i had this friend, who we'll refer to as pudding-cup. We met while I was dating a guy, we'll call him gumdrop. I went on retreat and I met a girl from my old high school that was on the retreat with other students. We became friends and as time went on, we realized that we had so much more in common than we expected. It was no accident that God brought us together to share in life's many trials,, as well as adventures. We noticed that everything she was going through at that time, I had gone through exactly the same when I was in high school.
(keep in mind we're a few years apart... how many I'm not sure, i don't care because it didn't doesn't and never will matter to me.)
So, I was there to help her through it, through all her tough times. Friendship means a lot to me, everything actually. i have been through a lot so I value the friends that I do have, while I have them and I hate losing them. Losing a good friend is never fun or easy, but it happens, it's life. Well, we became besties. I thought of her like a sister and our relationship was different than any other. We were so silly, and goofy, and crazy together. It was definitely all fun.
Later, on in May, Gumdrop broke up with me.
(that's a different story in itself and it doesn't matter cuz I've moved on)
When we broke up it was very hard for me, but i had my best friend there for me through it all. I knew I'd get through it with her by my side, as well as the support I had from my family. One day, I realized she had been talking to him and it bothered me because I was still hurt and upset over what happened, and being my best friend I was sure she'd understand that. So I explained to her how I was feeling and why it bothered me that they were talking. She said she can't hate him but she understands and won't be friends with him. (side note: I never asked her to hate him, and I explained that to her too.)
Long story short, She ended up dating him, after being dishonest with me several times. once she hung out with him and i found out and expressed how it bothered me and she said she wouldn't anymore, then it happened again and again, and finally she asked him to homecoming without informing me of it. So as upset as I was, I calmly asked why she was getting closer to him when it bothered me, and she informed me that she liked him a little and he was one of her best friends, but she wouldn't date him. and I made her promise that. So she did. That night, much to my surprise, they were in a relationship.
This hurt, and there was nothing else to do, but end our friendship. A month or two later, I was so caught up in anger, hatred, and resentment, toward them both, more so her (cuz she was my bestie and I missed her), and toward the situation, that I couldn't focus on moving on, loving someone else, and trusting the friends I had made at college. I knew that god forgives us no matter how much we run from Him or hurt Him. I knew what I had to do.
I called both of them and apologized for the way that I had reacted, and the things I had said cuz I knew how i reacted and The words I said weren't Christ like. Then I forgave them both for hurting me. Talking to Pudding-cup was the hardest for me. I cried my eyes out, so did she. I almost wanted to accept a re-friendship, but I knew it was best to just let go, at least for that point in time, especially since I couldn't trust her anymore. I mean I knew that if I let myself, I could/would trust her again, so I couldn't do that to myself because it could cause more hurt later on.
Well eventually my relationship with gumdrop started to reform and we became friends again. We even hung out over Christmas break. In the beginning of January, I was still home on break, and I found a scrapbook that was decorated on the outside but blank on the inside. It was what Pudding-cup gave me on my 21st birthday. Upon seeing this, I sobbed for a few hours on my bedroom floor. You see, no one had ever giving me pictures in picture frames, or collages of our friendship, or anything valuable like that before, and it has been something I have longed for my whole life. The reason is because when you receive gifts like that it shows how much the other person values your friendship as much as you do. I immediately texted Pudding-cup and explained how much I missed her asking if we could try to start over and be friends again. She agreed.
Well, even more recently, just the other day, I was talking to Gumdrop about hanging out over spring break (which is this week March 9-18). I started stalking Pudding-cup on fb and I realized how much I miss her, because I felt like we haven't really been talking at all, so I talked to her about being friends again and getting close. i realized i wanted to hang out with both her and Gumdrop (even though they are dating.) She agreed to hanging out... but looking at her tumblr and seeing posts referring to me as her "boyfriends ex" and how shes jealous or I'm bothering her... I came to an assumption that she doesn't think of me as a friend anymore. While I *am*, indeed, her boyfriends ex, 1. I have a boyfriend who loves me for me and won't ever give up on me, 2 I would never want to hang out with him as anything more than friends, 3 I care more about her friendship than his. I always have and always will. Being referred to as boyfriends ex, however true it may be, has such a negative connotation to it and hurts deeply, especially that she doesn't seem to 'want' to think of me as anything more than her boyfriends ex.
I realize that people may not like me, and I understand that. Hence, I don't care what others think of me, I am who I am, and I don't let others bring me down. However, it's really hard to not care what an old best friend who you miss dearly thinks of you. So i did wish we could start over at one point, and I *DO* wish a guy never got between us. I *DO* wish that things went better between us, and accepting the reality that it wasn't going to get better, was hard. To be honest, this *WAS* the first and only fight we had ever had (the one that ended our friendship) and making up after such a dramatic ending, seems to be nearly impossible. And I used to hope it would be God's will for us to be good friends again, but now I see it's better that we're not for many reasons, and I have more loyal friends in my life at this point, who are only going to build me up.
I know that even though this couldnt beom irked out, lots of problems in relationships CAN be fixed, it just takes time, and effort from both people. In the long run it will make your relationship and you stronger. But as I know how it feels to be trash talked by an old friend, and had hopes it wouldn't turn out that way, I would like to pass on some wisdom and advice for you guys.
You have to realize that NOT everyone in the world is going to like you. It's just the way it is. No matter who you are or what you do. Even if you are the most happiest person ever, you aren't going to be able to please everyone. So just be yourself. Furthermore, Friendship... well it doesn't matter how close you are as friends. You are still going to hurt each other. Sometimes you may lose that best friend... but sometimes you won't. Same thing is true for relationships. You may fight, things may not always be perfect, you may get impatient with each other, but that shouldn't end the relationship. Unless the person is cheating on you or the relationship is unhealthy for some other reason... you should fight FOR each other, not WITH or AGAINST each other. Keep going no matter what. Stay loyal to each other and work through the tough times, however tough they may be. That's love, That's commitment. If you truly love someone you won't give up on them, through their strengths and weaknesses, throughs their fears and dreams, through the good and bad, through thick and thin.-whether friendship or Relationship. That's what God's love is. He stands there waiting for us with open arms ready to embrace us NO MATTER WHAT. No matter how we fail, fall, or falter... He is always there, even when we completely turn our backs on Him or cuss Him out, He still waits for us to come back, ready to love us as much as, if not more than He did before.
So don't give up on your best friend. If she/he lets you go, wait for her/him to come back. If they deserve it, give them another chance and work through it, because most of the time, fights are supposed to make you stronger. They help you to learn each others differences and if best friends don't fight or argue every once in a while, than they aren't best friends, and they probably aren't going to last too long. No one's perfect, therefore, no relationship can be perfect. Even sisters fight. In fact, sisters wouldn't be sisters if they didn't.
"Though friendship is not quick to burn, It is explosive stuff.",
"It's so sad how something so small and stupid can ruin a friendship."~Unknown,
"Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces."
"Three things of life that are most valuable - Love, self respect and friends.",
"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship."
~St Thomas Aquinas,
"Be who are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
~Dr. Seuss
"Two persons cannot long be friends if they cannot forgive each others little failings."
~Jean De La Bruyere
"Friendship flourishes at the fountain of forgiveness."
~William Arthur Ward
"Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures"
~Luv ya SUNSHINE GIRL :] <3
