Week 43 July 27 2011 8:38 p.m.
I have not had an easy time when it has come to being happy and fitting in. Truth be told.. i have never really fit in at all. it hurt me so bad. and throughout the years this scarred me. i never felt good about myself. While people watching me from the sidelines thought, "that girls innocent what we she have to feel bad about" or "oh shes a miss goody two shoes" or even family and friends "she's an angel, she has nothing to worry about, she beautiful and amazing" ... I was thinking "my life sucks, I've never had friends. What's wrong with me!" See no one ever knew... I mean I guess my parents knew how I felt... but they said all the right things... exactly what a parent is supposed to say! and for a while it worked. but the strength they gave me with their encouragement only lasted for so long and then they'd have to repeat themselves over and over. Those lectures never do good for anyone. Sometimes, I hate to say it, but i even felt left out by my own sisters, sometimes. This caused me so much insecurities about myself. As i grew older and bad things kept happening I tried to stay strong through it all and I did for the most part but I couldn't help feeling like there had to be something wrong with me and I would break down. "Why does this always happen to me" "How come I never have true friends" "what's wrong with me" "God why'd you make me like this"
Well as the years went on I had days where I would know that I am different and I am special and I am amazing and strong and no one will bring me down but when something would happen It would hurt more each time because of all the stuff I have been through.
well just recently my bf broke up with me in may. and one day in June I was hurting so bad and I felt so alone. I have always felt somewhat invisible.
this guy completely broke my heart. And I even felt like the people that loved me, like family and friends, weren't around or didn't understand how this guy was making me feel at times. and finally my sister comes in my room to talk to me and she said "Britt, you're just different and sometimes people can't handle that. At this i turned around and ignored her. She left and later asked why I wouldn't talk to her!
See that was so harsh, here I am sobbing and depressed Hating myself and she says Im different and people can't handle it...? how is that supposed to make me feel better.
Later on she explained in full what she meant and I still felt too closed off to try to understand what she was saying. However, as I started to feel better, I realized how right she was. I didn't want to hear it esp. at that moment. But let me put it this way
WHY FIT IN WHEN YOU ARE BORN TO STAND OUT ?
that is a quote from the movie what a girl wants. but Its one of my life quotes.
I AM different and I AM special. Im crazy, Im loud, Way too hyper for some people. I can be weird, or obnoxious. and Im mature in a lot of ways but immature playfully ... meaning I know how to be serious when it's the right time, but I will always be a kid at heart.
I am emotional, and a handful! but overall I am just a burst of sunshine who only wants to make others happy.
I'll admit my desire to fit in makes me a bit clingy sometimes but who doesn't have annoying flaws? we're human It's just how it is! BUT it's the fight that counts. I know who I am, I know who I'm meant to be.
I'm not meant to fit in and the fact that I have been through so much crap is what has brought me to where and to who I am. Its what makes me special. Now, My strength comes from God and who I am in HIS eyes, according to HIS will for me. and the encouragement I get from friends and family, isn't where my strength comes from, rather what helps build up my strength from God, even more.
I know I am meant to be different and to stand out. Im not supposed to be "popular" or "fit in" Im supposed to do something great but in a humble way... that's what connects ME personally to Christ!
(what connects you?)
If I didn't accept the difference in me, then how could I make a difference in the world! I am perfect just the way I am.
It's not about being popular and having a lot of friends.. It's not about the "quantity", It's the Quality that counts. I may not have a ton of friends. or everyone/most people in a school or building "like" me... but I may have one or two or just a few really good, close, TRUE friends Who I am so very blessed to even know in my life. I don't care about the Quantity of friends I have in my life, It's the QUALITY of those few select, SPECIAL, and AMAZING, friends that I DO have!!!
I embrace who I am. I will be different and rock it. I won't be anyone but me!
"You've gotta stand for something, or you're gonna fall for anything"
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I'm not!"
"Be the change that you want to see in the world"
"Why fit in, When you were born to stand out"
~Luv ya SUNSHINE GIRL :] <3
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
BLOG6: The Strength In You
Week 42 July 22 2011 3:25 p.m.
Many of us often feel low because someone has hurt or betrayed us. I just got out of a relationship and the break up has been rough for me but Im staying strong and getting through it day by day. the pain hurts but it will stop if you give it time. I hated hearing time heals. because all I could think about was how I felt at the moment and how depressed I was. there were days I wished I didn’t have to live anymore. but I’ve been realizing its okay. and it will be okay. Yes time heals it’s true, but it’s not about time. and the healing. it’s about what you’re living for. I am living for God. and He has a greater plan. greater than my own. I am not living for me. to kill myself would be selfish.
when you’re depressed don’t think about the negative stuff in your life. While that is the easiest thing at the time and all you can think about, you need to stay strong and keep your head held high try to change your perspective. thinking of what you do have and what you ARE good at, what God has blessed you with, is the hardest thing to do when you’re soooo upset but if you take a step back, BREATHE, calm down (pull yourself together) then focus on the blessings and the people who have it worse than you, then you will be able to be happy. Remember this, Don’t do the easy thing, do the Hardest thing, even if it means u suffer a bit or a lot. Sometimes the Hardest thing and the right thing ARE the same. and the hardest thing is what makes you stronger and grow, even if you’re faking the hardest thing at the time.
a friend once said… Fake it til you make it, and this statement is true in many ways.
a few of my favorite life quotes are this
“Even Diamonds start as Coal”
”Even the best fall down sometimes”
”I could have missed the pain, but i'd have had to miss the dance”
”Here comes the sun, and I say, It's alright”
God’s love is so big and you can not separate love and suffering. everyone suffers at some point in their life. some more then others. but if we want to be true christians… or have true love… we NEED to suffer or make sacrifices. it is in that suffering that we love more through our selflessness and it is in that suffering that we are more closely connected to Christ because of what He suffered for us.
You are so beautiful and so amazing. you have so much value. you are here because God wants to use YOU for something greater then you could imagine for yourself. you have so much strength in you. you just have to dig deep inside of your heart to find the true you. dont try to fit in when your born to stand out find yourself and be yourself ... just take time to do you. because you are AAHHHHmazing :] you are so very loved. believe in yourself and your gifts. the talents God gave you. you may think you arent good at anything. i have felt that way many times... but i have found that my talents are more hidden inside of who i am they arent just outwardly things like singing or playing an instrument or sport or acting... theyre deeper they have to do with my personality traits i am super compassionate i can use that gift to serve God on missions trips and make a difference. i can use that blessing to help other people when they need help and i can relate to them. other things like my passion for kids i could nanny or work/volunteer in an orphanage or daycare. i could make a great mom. or even my passion for animals and the fact that writing calms my emotions. i could make a great writer. so you see if you feel useless and like your not meant for anything, like you don't have any special gifts or talents... you do. you just need to find them within yourself. remember you are a princess (or if ur a guy reading this you are a prince)
~AND know this:
YOUR LIFE IS A PRECIOUS GIFT AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL. FIND THE BEAUTY IN YOUR LIFE AND EMBELLISH IT, BUT DO IT WITH A SMILE BECAUSE THEN YOU WILL SEE YOUR WORTH AND YOU WILL LEARN TO BE HAPPY!!!
~<3 Love you guys :) ~yur sunshine grl~
Many of us often feel low because someone has hurt or betrayed us. I just got out of a relationship and the break up has been rough for me but Im staying strong and getting through it day by day. the pain hurts but it will stop if you give it time. I hated hearing time heals. because all I could think about was how I felt at the moment and how depressed I was. there were days I wished I didn’t have to live anymore. but I’ve been realizing its okay. and it will be okay. Yes time heals it’s true, but it’s not about time. and the healing. it’s about what you’re living for. I am living for God. and He has a greater plan. greater than my own. I am not living for me. to kill myself would be selfish.
when you’re depressed don’t think about the negative stuff in your life. While that is the easiest thing at the time and all you can think about, you need to stay strong and keep your head held high try to change your perspective. thinking of what you do have and what you ARE good at, what God has blessed you with, is the hardest thing to do when you’re soooo upset but if you take a step back, BREATHE, calm down (pull yourself together) then focus on the blessings and the people who have it worse than you, then you will be able to be happy. Remember this, Don’t do the easy thing, do the Hardest thing, even if it means u suffer a bit or a lot. Sometimes the Hardest thing and the right thing ARE the same. and the hardest thing is what makes you stronger and grow, even if you’re faking the hardest thing at the time.
a friend once said… Fake it til you make it, and this statement is true in many ways.
a few of my favorite life quotes are this
“Even Diamonds start as Coal”
”Even the best fall down sometimes”
”I could have missed the pain, but i'd have had to miss the dance”
”Here comes the sun, and I say, It's alright”
God’s love is so big and you can not separate love and suffering. everyone suffers at some point in their life. some more then others. but if we want to be true christians… or have true love… we NEED to suffer or make sacrifices. it is in that suffering that we love more through our selflessness and it is in that suffering that we are more closely connected to Christ because of what He suffered for us.
You are so beautiful and so amazing. you have so much value. you are here because God wants to use YOU for something greater then you could imagine for yourself. you have so much strength in you. you just have to dig deep inside of your heart to find the true you. dont try to fit in when your born to stand out find yourself and be yourself ... just take time to do you. because you are AAHHHHmazing :] you are so very loved. believe in yourself and your gifts. the talents God gave you. you may think you arent good at anything. i have felt that way many times... but i have found that my talents are more hidden inside of who i am they arent just outwardly things like singing or playing an instrument or sport or acting... theyre deeper they have to do with my personality traits i am super compassionate i can use that gift to serve God on missions trips and make a difference. i can use that blessing to help other people when they need help and i can relate to them. other things like my passion for kids i could nanny or work/volunteer in an orphanage or daycare. i could make a great mom. or even my passion for animals and the fact that writing calms my emotions. i could make a great writer. so you see if you feel useless and like your not meant for anything, like you don't have any special gifts or talents... you do. you just need to find them within yourself. remember you are a princess (or if ur a guy reading this you are a prince)
~AND know this:
YOUR LIFE IS A PRECIOUS GIFT AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL. FIND THE BEAUTY IN YOUR LIFE AND EMBELLISH IT, BUT DO IT WITH A SMILE BECAUSE THEN YOU WILL SEE YOUR WORTH AND YOU WILL LEARN TO BE HAPPY!!!
~<3 Love you guys :) ~yur sunshine grl~
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