Best Friends!
What defines a best friend?
Is it someone who is caring, who tells you everything, who you can trust with your life?
Is it Someone who you can share laughs and smiles with, whether it's you making them laugh or vice versa?
Is it the person that builds you up in everyway and doesn't bring you down; but instead they bring out the best in you?
Is it someone who you wouldn't get tired of and someone who would never even think of hurting you or stabbing you in the back? The person who would do anything for you... Who will always be there for you no matter what and will do anything with you, even if it IS out of their comfort zone, just cause you're their best friend and they would rather share the world with you then miss out on time spent together?
I believe that it is all these things and more that define the truest and most lasting friendships, those that we refer to as our "BEST Friend(s)."
I also believe it is the person that genuinely seeks out your happiness above their own, who considers you as more important than themselves most of the time; It is the first person that you run to without a second thought when you need to vent or a shoulder to cry on, because they make you feel better after you talk to them. They genuinely know exactly what you need and they will sit there and hold you, or cry with you when you need it.
A Best Friend is the person who knows how to make you have a good time even when you are down and it feels like no one else can lift you up. They will crash your house and have crazy fun dance parties or bring you a glass of wine and some baked goods, whatever you need to feel better.
This person will always stand by you to protect you and look out for you when someone else is trying to take you down. They know the real you, and they know when you are drifting away from your usual self. Usually, not always, but usually they know your heart better then anyone (except God, who obviously trumps all best friend qualities :p)
And Even though they are only human and they WILL inevitably disappoint you, [because realistically no human being can meet EVERY single one of our needs,] they WILL try their darnest to never let you down, because in letting you down, they disappoint themselves. But Most Importantly, because this person truly LOVES YOU!!!
But of course, you know all of these things, or mostly anyways. As we grow up and get older we all go through times of friendships, and heartbreaks and come to define what a best friend means to us... so then, what is the point of all this? The reason I spent time defining True Friendship?
Well mostly I want to make sure we are on the same page in knowing what a real friend looks like before I dive into the issue at hand. Not to mention that some people may not be so fortunate to have experienced this kind of love.
Throughout the 29 years that I have been alive, I have had the wonderful opportunity and blessing to share in some of these beautiful friendships, And of course we all know that not all of them last forever. Even now, I can honestly say that I have a few friends that fit my description, for the most part at least, cause as I said, not everyone can meet our needs. But it hasn't always been this way. However, I am glad that I do have them in my life now because I truly do not know what I would do without them. Young girls, and even us adult women, rely so much on our real friends. It's just a natural part of life. Some people may try to isolate themselves or feel more introverted, but even they need a good friend to lean on at times. Guys need friends too, but their friendships generally look a bit different then ours. That does not mean that a person of the male species ;) can't relate to what I am saying. I hope this blog reaches a multitude and diverse group of people.
God made humans for community. We weren't meant to go through tough times alone, or to not have anyone to share the good times with. Thus, when one friend hurts another, when friends argue or fight, we can take it so hard and personally that it causes a rift, and drama may even implode amongst a group of friends if two of them are not getting along. It can be really hard to understand why certain people get so emotional or offended by things like this, but certain friendships are really important to some people, especially when a person really relied on that friend for support. It can feel like you have no ground to stand on (especially if you are not religious and don't rely more on God.) Not to mention that some people may feel things more strongly then others.
But I believe that we all need a support system of some sort, outside of and regardless of our dependence on God. Whether that be family, or significant others, or one relationship in particular that you feel you can lean on strongly, even if you know that it won't last forever, as long as they can help you through a season in your life you needed it the most.
(Insert cheesy song here.... but actually…)
"Lean on me, when your not strong
I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
for it won't be long
til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on!"
Yes!!! This song is a classic! It is such a fun song and who hasn't sang this at karaoke night?
When you break down the lyrics, they truly are such strong words. These words speak so much truth. It's the essence of true, loyal, and faithful relationships. For me, personally, this is the perfect way to describe my Best Friend.
Best Friends will always be there for you in your time of need and hopefully will help you out of a sticky situation or even be there for you when you are in danger.
As I previously mentioned, I have several really great best friends, one of them being my boyfriend. I also even have a therapist, who meets certain needs that even my best friends can't meet. It is perfectly okay to need and utilize this service. I fully encourage you to find the right fit for you, if you think having someone to vent and talk to more often would be helpful. That does not mean that your friendships are any less important. I definitely value the feeling you can get from sharing and talking with close friends, just as much as I believe in therapy. It is so important for anyone to be able to experience the heartwarming and comforting feeling that comes from being vulnerable with friends, and knowing that everything will be okay because you are loved and supported.
This is probably one of the hardest things for people to do; to be "vulnerable" with others. Even when we consider someone a best friend it can be still be tough to be open with them and share our hearts with those around us. Why is that? Why is vulnerability so hard?
I can give two words to sum up the answer to this question: Fear, and Pain. Yes, Fear. We are afraid to be misheard, misunderstood, and most of all, hurt. We are afraid to be hurt.
"Someone can only hurt you if you give them the power to do so."
"Love is giving someone the power to hurt you, but trusting them not to."
Anyone human being is capable of hurting you, making you upset or uncomfortable, even stabbing you in the back, but only if you let them. That's exactly what I mean by the term "vulnerable"- giving someone the power to hurt you, but trusting that they won't. When we choose friends to confide in, we are saying "I choose to trust this human not to hurt me, to know my heart and take care of it." But in doing so we need to also remember that they are only human and they will make mistakes. Just as you or I will. We need to admit to our own faults as well knowing that the people we trust with our deepest, darkest secrets have them too. I am not saying that it's right for our friends to hurt us or that feelings of sadness, pain, or rejection are invalid. Just that we need to be prepared for it to happen. Because it does happen. And that is what we are most afraid of. Most often, when we get hurt, it IS by someone who you have considered a good or Best Friend, because those are the people we have shared our hearts most with therefore giving them the power to let us down. It hurts the most because you have confided in them with your heart and soul. It definitely hurts more then it would if it were a stranger or someone we didn't spend as much time with.
I can speak on this from experience. It has happened to me with many friendships throughout my life but that's because I wear my heart on my sleeve. My level of vulnerability is off the charts. Losing friends is the hardest thing for me, but I've recently learned that regardless of how long you've been friends or how close you have been, you must also care for yourself. Just because someone was once your closest confidant and BEST friend, does not mean they are allowed to push you around or treat you badly.
My point in all this is:
Yes, You should have a support system,
Yes, You should BE Vulnerable and open your heart and
Yes, You should Take Care Of YourSELF!!!!
No, You shouldn't isolate yourself,
No, You shouldn't give up on ever trusting again, and
No, You should not Let Someone Push You Around!!!!!!
It becomes quite easy to find out who your real friends are when push comes to shove. Do you fight to work together to get through a problem or disagreement? Or Do they dismiss your feelings and ignore that there's a problem to begin with? These situations, while they help us grow and learn, can develop into toxic relationships if we ignore the red flags and allow them to continue mistreating us. It does not do any good to make excuses for them either. I have learned a hard lesson over time: Let go. Let Go and Let God. The friends that I once had, that have not made it into my life now, definitely still served a purpose for me at the time that we were close.
Another lesson to be learned here, Positivity. Be positive about these situations. Sharing quotes like, "if they didn't make it to where you are now, they aren't worth who you've become," are the kinds of quotes that make society think it is okay to tear each other down. So a friend wronged you, and you weren't able to work it out and they aren't in your life anymore.... They are not deserving of being trash-talked because that friend, that friendship was a piece of your puzzle. They have played a part of who you are now.
It's true, our friends can be... well... Bitches. [Insert gasp here]. Yup. I said it. They can be. But guess what? I bet you can be too.
I know that I have been at times. Remember what I said earlier, no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. But no matter how close you are, these situations happen.
You have to decide if the friendship is worth fighting for, or if you're willing to risk losing them. No matter what you decide, you can bet that there is always something to learn.
God ALWAYS brings good from the bad. He always has a plan. and He is there to fall back on when these humans let us down. His grace is sufficient to help us forgive others when they've hurt us.
It's important to get back up and try again. Rid yourself of that fear, take a leap of faith, be brave, and be vulnerable with those around you! Find someone you believe could be a Best Friend because everyone needs someone to turn to.
Amongst all these things, I'll leave you with this thought:
"Most people need love the most, when they deserve it the least!"
So Forgive as you would want to be forgiven and Love as you would want to be loved.
